I couldn’t host a blog about ascension, awakening, and enlightenment without writing about the role romantic relationships play in the process.
Romance wakes us up faster than our alarm clock after a late night. It propels us into our shadows. It pushes us into our darkness. Those unhealed places you’re afraid to access? Find a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both – we’re SUPER open-minded here), and they’ll push buttons you didn’t even know you had.
I’ve learned the point isn’t to always be happy with your partner. The point is to see the flare-ups and the arguments as opportunities.
When you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye, when you’re triggered, or when you don’t like your partner’s behaviour, it’s a chance to create a better future together.
My advice? When sh*t hits the fan in your relationship (and it will), stand your ground.
- Feel your feelings
- Communicate clearly using this sentence stem, “When you said/did ________, I noticed I felt ___________.”
- E.g. “When you didn’t wash the dishes, I noticed I felt insignificant to you.”
When you use this sentence stem, you’re allowing your partner to relax. You’re NOT blaming him or her for your feelings like most of us have been taught. (“You made me feel sad.”)
You step back, and become the observer. You can see yourself as triggered and see your partner the same way. This softens you and gives you an opportunity to heal. (This, THIS is why you’re with your partner: to heal.)
- See the opportunity for growth. Get CLEAR on what you want. Continue with:
- “What I want to feel is ________________” (Connected, in love with you, cherished, respected, important to you, etc.)
This is where most people make the mistake: they don’t even know what they want in a partnership in the first place.
How do you want to feel in your relationship? Take a pen and a journal out right now, and answer that question.
Do you want to feel appreciated? Do you want your partnership to feel fun and spontaneous?
Get really clear on what you want, and THEN you can create it. Otherwise, the Universe will keep giving you more of what you’re used to. (And, unfortunately, most of us have become used to sh*t relationships.)
Next, invite them into your healing experience:
- “Do you want to feel that too?” OR “Do you want to help me feel that?”
To sum it all up:
- You’re in a partnership to HEAL
- See the fights and flare-ups as opportunities to create a better reality together
- Respond in a new way: stand your ground, breathe, and communicate your feelings.
- Invite them into your NEW reality
That’s it that’s all! Sounds simple (when you’re not triggered).
It’s a practice for sure – communicating feelings during the heated moments.
What I’m here to tell you is this: those exact same heated moments you want to run away from are your greatest opportunities for transmutation, healing, and activation to your full potential.
Choose into them, rather than running away, and watch your reality transform more rapidly than you imagined possible.